Nazz Vs. Fanon - Round 1: Edd

Nazz Vs. Fanon – Round 1: Edd

“So it seems like we all gotta accept the fact that Double Dee is the new Jesus, a sex god, and Doctor Who all in one package these days.  That's kind of a tall order for some weird quiet kid who's always stammering around and sweating like a pervert whenever he talks to me.  And here I thought I was being nice to him.”

“But anyway, I just don't see the appeal with the idea that this kid is getting as much attention than those sparkly freakshows, jerk wizards, and ninjas who aren't ninjas.  Seriously, what's the deal?  He's just some skinny kid who's always going around acting like everyone else is an idiot and he's the only one in the neighborhood who's smart.  He's more immature than Kevin in that way.”

“Speaking of which, it seems to be getting more and more popular with so-called 'fans' who've never watched the show that Edd and Kevin are gay for each other because...well because being homosexual is pretty much the new fad these days.  No, really, it's the new fad for people to proclaim that they're a part of the LGBT crowd because they all want to be seen as 'radical' or 'different' like when everyone decided they were emo or punk because Green Day and My Chemical Romance got popular in the late 90s.  Now for all intents and purposes, I think I speak for everyone when I say that's pretty much offensive not only for the real fans of the show, but for actual homosexuals and bisexuals in general since they're only portrayed as sex maniacs and not an actual real couple.”

“Then again, the same is said when Double Dee is paired up with Marie, which is stupid because she's just too violent a girl to be around.  May, which just doesn't make sense.  Sarah, which is disgusting since she's like ten.  And myself, which is just...well he's a nice guy who's cute and all, but he just isn't really my type of guy, you know?”

“So yeah, Edd is just some weird quiet nice kid who's kinda cute in that weird 'ticking time bomb' kind of way.  Is that enough?  Of course not, let's turn him into a werewolf because he wasn't kawaii desu enough, or a vampire!  Oh, or better yet a half werewolf half vampire who's a rapist to boot!  That's both sexy and badass and not a detriment to his original character AT ALL!”

“Really, I don't get why the so-called 'fanon' does this, it's more insulting than me at the end of the show.”